:: [Insert title here] ::

Second time in a week that my wishful thinking and naive plan goes wrong. I forgot [insert name]'s ways. I forgot how she killed all poetry in me and turned me into a machine so many years ago.

And I killed the machine, and I became a shadow in a sunless sky: shapeless, in motion but no one could tell, a maelstrom of voids, no one can tell but me how much I'm moving.

But she came along again. She asked me out. Her boyfriend doesn't talk our language, she says. she rarely passed a week without writing all these years. She has been bent and broken, she has bought all the wrong solutions, and I was always there, to distract her from her mess, to whisper with my sandpaper toneless voice things no one else understands. Or sitting in silence, being a shadow in motion together.

I'm not going to be nobody's fool. I have looked like one this week.

Mr. Hume (ex-boss/ex-roommate) is a wise man, he says the only way not to get bitten is being the biggest rat in the sewer. I agree, no one is safer from evil except the one who seems more evil. If you don't seem to care, no one will disrupt your plans.

Me, I'm slightly wise sometimes [inserted false modesty back there], and I will quote myself from the machine-phase: no one cares about me enough to protect me from herself.

"Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"
-Three Days Gace, Pain

I disagree... Feeling nothing ain't so bad for a year or three.

So, the femme fatale won't make prey of me, if her 5 centimeters taller than me and her amused but cold stare won't be at my reach, if her riddles or her silence won't puzzle me tonight, well, she misses it. I have chocolate, vodka, rain on my roof and poker online and I love nights like this. Let's see what happens when she finds out I don't mind she has left me hanging twice. Let's see what happens with an empty mailbox and |_P an empty care cup. Or did she think this is 1997 all over again? Ha.

[Yeah, I know that I do care, or I wouldn't have written this, but she doesn't read this, so I win]

Listening to: Buckcherry - Everything